07 Jan Becoming Sex Positive | Scoop Sorority
By now, most of us have heard of the phrases “sex positive” or “sex positivity”. As the conversation regarding sex has gotten more mainstream, the term “sex positive” gets thrown around a lot. But, what does this really mean?
Let’s dive into what sex positivity is, the myths regarding this movement, and how to be a sex positive person.
What is “Sex Positivity”?
When it comes to sex, everyone has their own attitude about it. Whether you do it with one person, multiple people or no one at all, your sexuality is yours to own.
The dialogue around sex has grown, and in turn, the sex positive movement has only gotten larger.
Sex positivity, is the concept that all sex that is healthy and consensual is a positive thing.
There is no by the book way to be sex positive. Every individual’s relationship with sex positivity is specific to them. Sex positivity promotes that idea that we all have the right to navigate our sexuality, sexual experiences and sexual explorations in a way that is comfortable.
Sex positivity does not place judgment on different sexualities or sex acts, and instead makes space for the variety of human sexuality.
Because sex positivity means so many different things to so many different people, there are lot of misconceptions that come with the phrase.
The most common sex positive myths are:
- “Sex positivity means you want to have sex all the time”- This misconception that being sex positive means you are up for causal sex, stems from the fact that talking about sex in general has been deemed as taboo in our society. Hearing the phrase leads people to believe that it’s synonymous with promiscuity, but it’s important to keep in mind that having a lot of sex, as well as refraining from sex, are all valid ways to be sex positive.
- “Sex positive people are adventurous in the bedroom”– Again, this myth is linked to the the taboo-ness of sex talk. If someone is open about sex it is easy to imagine they are into BDSM or any other kink. While this may be the case for some, that doesn’t mean every single person will be kinky in bed. A key in sex positivity is to recognize that everyone’s sexual desires should be embraced, not be looked down upon or stigmatized. The best way to find out if your partner is into any kink is to ask, never assume.
- “Sex positive people are easy”– Women who are sex positive are often times labeled as such. It is hard for some to grasp the idea, that taking ownership of your sexuality does not equate sleeping with anyone who asks, but also, if that was the case would that be a problem? This shame that is put upon sex positive women is quite frankly getting old. Sex positive women are aware of their sexuality in ways others aren’t. It is about self-improvement. Being sexually secure and in tune with your body in no way shape or form means you are “easy”. Women are not allowed to be sexual, and this movement shows that we don’t care anymore!
How to be Sex Positive?
For a lot of us, being sex positive is easier said than done.
There are so many reason as to why someone would be scared to talk about sex. Many of us come from places where sex was talked down upon. Some come from religious backgrounds or just never got the talk at all. Whatever the case may be, becoming sex positive is a process.
So where can you start?
Education is key. A great first step in becoming sex positive is educating yourself on experiences other than your own.
To be sex positive, you must understand that the diversity of sex is normal, and this includes preferences that are not your own. Reach out to someone with a different sexual orientation, or look into BDSM and what it really entails. There are so many educational sources to really learn that all consensual sex, is good sex.
Education allows us to be better allies in the sex positive movement. Who knows? Maybe learning about foreign experiences can help you learn something about yourself.
Another sex positive tip is, stop apologizing. Often times, the embarrassment surrounding the topic of sex leaves us apologizing for what we like or what we want. Say sorry no more. Sex is a normal human experiences that doesn’t need the seal of approval from outside parties. You are allowed to feel how ever you want about sex.
As you take your self positive journey, understand what works for you and what doesn’t. Learning what you like makes sex enjoyable but there are going to be things that you don’t mesh with. That is completely fine. This doesn’t mean you aren’t sex positive.
Take note of your desires, and what is not for you. Respect other people’s boundaries and establish some of your own. Your sex positive experience is one of a kind.