Does Sleeping With Someone on the First Date Affect the Relationship?

Sleeping with someone on the first date is a topic that has been widely discussed for decades and can land in the realm of controversy. Especially for women.

Is it appropriate? Will the guy perceive me differently? Is it better to hold out? Will he still call me the next day?

These questions often race through our minds upon going on that first date.

If you remember, in season one of “Sex and the City,” Carrie Bradshaw had the same thoughts before going on her first date with Mr. Big.

But, sex-positive Samantha Jones weighed in stating that “a guy can just as easily dump you if you screw on the first date and if you wait until the 10th.”

Box Theory

When it comes to sleeping with someone, women usually have pretty good intuition, or a guess set of standards.

“Men are potentially more focused on sexual or romantic love when embarking on relationships with women, whereas women can sometimes be more choosy about where they put their romantic energy and time,” Relate counselor Simone Bose said.

Therefore, on a first date, you can normally pick up on where a man’s priority lies.

This is where the Box Theory comes into play.

TikTok creator Christina Najjar, a.k.a @itsmetinx, came up with this theory on the topic of sex on a first date.

She noted that when meeting a man in a romantic setting, he will put you into one of three boxes. He wants to date you, he wants to sleep with you or he wants nothing to do with you.

“If a guy wants to date you, there is very little you can do to change his mind,” Najjar said. “You can sleep with him on the first date, you can get super drunk, you can puke on his shoes, he will find it endearing.”

“If a guy just wants to sleep with you, you can hold out six months, you can talk abut Jesus for your first three dates,” she continued. “He’s still not going to want to date you. And if he wants nothing to do with you, sorry just move on.”

The point of Najjar’s theory is to free women from the worry sleeping with someone on the first date puts on them. 

“It should be totally freeing because you should sleep with him when you feel like sleeping with him,” she said. “It will not matter.”

Survey Says…

And there looks like there may be some evidence, that men really don’t care.

In a recent survey, 70% of men expressed that if they are interested in you, they will not lose interest or respect if you sleep with them too soon.

Still. many are skeptical.

However, this reaction from men is not that new. When co-creators of “Friends,” Marta Kauffman and David Crane, wrote in the “Pilot” about Monica sleeping with Paul the Wine Guy on the first date, NBC was concerned about audience responses.

They passed out a survey to audience members that read: “Do you think Monica is a) a slut, b) a whore, c) easy, d) all of the above, for sleeping with a guy on the first date.”

Nevertheless, the audience was not concerned nor judged Monica at all.

“Nobody cared! Nobody checked the boxes, they didn’t care,” Kauffman said.


At the end of the day, do whatever makes you feel good and happy. You know yourself better than anyone else.

But, if you’re someone like Jessica Day from “New Girl” who has trouble separating emotions from sex, maybe sleep with someone until you’re sure you’re ready.

“If I hang out with you, it’s just the truth, I’m going to fall in love with you,” Jess said. “It’s just how I am. I can’t separate things out.”

Regardless, always remember the power is in your hands, and there is no need to rush into anything… unless you want to.

What are your thoughts on sleeping with someone on the first date? Drop a comment below and let us know!

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