How to Emerge from Isolation A Sex Goddess

How to Emerge from Isolation A Sex Goddess

Whether you have a lot of time alone to work on you and focus on your needs or you find yourself with plenty of time to focus on your relationship with your partner, these tips can give you some direction toward a great sex life.


Get comfortable in your own skin. The only way to truly slay as a sex goddess is to conquer every last insecurity and lock them out of your bedroom. If there are ounces of fat on your body that you do not approve of, now is the time to turn the tables and learn to love them all. See Lizzo for moral support and a bumpin’ bass line for that one. Whatever “problem areas” that photoshopped celebrities or your mouthy aunt taught you to hate, use this time to UNLEARN all that crap. Look to men for inspiration, they all pose in the mirror and see Dirk Diggler staring back (maybe a side effect of testosterone). Barrow that bravado and love your body. If you have a long hard look in the mirror, dance around naked, pose, whatever and still cannot love yourself inside an out just as you are, then at least work out sex positions where the view makes you happy.


Additionally, you can come up with cute little sex outfits to wear with confidence. Sex is all about being present and staying in the moment. It is impossible to lose yourself in a frenzy of passion and have great sex if you see an offending bulge or role that takes you out of the moment. Full trashy sex wear is fine, but holding back and leaving something to the imagination can be powerful. Work with little on top and full bottoms or the opposite, full coverage on top with little on bottom. The Pussycat Dolls are not great relationship models, but they are good models for cute doin’ it outfits, like wearing tiny bottoms with knee-high or thigh-high somethings paired with coverage on top. Also, it sounds odd to accessorize for sex, but don’t forget hot shoes or a slinky piece of jewelry, that can work in your sex ensemble.

People think naked is the outfit you wear to sex, but if you are in a long-term relationship there comes a point where a cute top or bottom is just enough to mix it up and keep things fresh. Plus, the next time you wear that piece of clothing his mind will go straight back to the last time he saw it.


Normally, making a rigid list of relationship “must haves” and “deal breakers” is a good way to remain solo, using one picky point to eliminate potential partners like a game show. However, having a list of bad bedroom habits you won’t stand for can be helpful because bedroom activity can happen when you are not thinking straight or at your sharpest (late at night, endorphins pumping). Make a list of bedroom behavior you didn’t like and resolve to weed those out of your sex life. This is a big undertaking, but you have the time to put in the work and lay the foundation of improving your sex life now. This could have a ripple effect on your love life. Practice using your voice to speak up for what you need, what you don’t like, what you won’t do, and for taking the time to help you learn what you do like and want.

If you are in a long-term relationship, it could be hot to do the opposite activity. You can list for your partner all the bedroom habits he has that you do like. As Salt-N-Pepa put it, “I want to take a minute or two, and give much respect due…” 


Yoga converts occasionally spell out the secret, like here and here, of the sex benefits of yoga. But the benefits for the bedroom are pretty obvious: flexibility, stamina, opening up to new sensations, focused breathing and mindfulness to help you stay in the moment during sex (which is key).


You’ve heard this before and you probably still don’t do Kegels. So, use this time in isolation to start doing them. Here’s a handy guide from the U.S. GOVERNMENT (thank you for your service). Being able to isolate and contract your Kegel muscles can be like learning to use the powers in a new magic wand. If you have trouble isolating them and are not sure if you are actually contracting the right muscles, then after orgasm, empty your bladder and then try flexing your Kegels and doing some reps. They are on deck and alive with pleasure right after an orgasm, so it is easier to identify them. Once you are good at Kegels, use them during sex for your pleasure, for his pleasure—they really are like your own magic wand.


Learn how to massage a partner well. Remember really good reciprocal massages from high school? Maybe you didn’t spend your summers at drama camp. Anyway, giving a really good reciprocal massage translates into a skill for sex. There’s a give and take and communication through touch that happens with a massage that is not for-hire. Here’s an instructional massage video with a no/low creep factor. 


Get the best sheets you can afford. Or look around the house for an interesting, new, comfy textile to cuddle up with. Then curl up and sleep naked. Changing up sensations on your skin can wake things up for you or reveal a new or ignored erogenous zone.


In addition to your cute new sex outfits, now is the time to upgrade to sexy, but comfortable, underwear for everyday. As your dating life progresses and relationships become more long-term, the separate “realistic everyday underwear” and the “special occasion, someone’s going to see these” underwear really need to merge. If you normally wear thongs, try a new pair of satin shorties. If you normally wear high waist, experiment with plunging panties with various waistband types. If you wonder, “Does this cover too much to be sexy?” Don’t forget that showing less is more. Men (bless ‘em) find a way in, whether a flip up or tug to the side, they find a way in. Here’s a comprehensive list of hot but comfy. Once you find a winner STOCK UP.


While you have time on your hands and lots of privacy, please expand your sexy reading beyond Fifty Shades. Here are the classics, though some may seem too dusty for today. So, here’s more current romantic fare. If you don’t read romance novels because that mouthy aunt of yours read them, just block her from your mind and remember that the mind is the primary sex organ and needs tending.


Being cooped up at home for so long has probably not helped the aroma of your abode. Improve the scent scene around your house. Cucumber and licorice have been shown to improve blood flow to your important bits by 13%. Pumpkin pie and lavender increase blood flow as well. Jasmine and sandalwood are dependable aphrodisiacs. You can even copy the fragrance of the seduction master with Cleopatra’s perfume recipe.


Saved the most controversial advice for last. While you have some time away from the judgmental glare of society: Grow out your pubic hair. Pubes went out of fashion due to the rise of internet porn and, yes, it does get in the way at times. Pubes are not pretty, but they are like the last road sign before Sexytown. What makes pubic hair hot is the affiliation with the deed. If you have some growing out to do, here are tips and products to do so comfortably. On your journey, don’t forget to condition. Yes, pubes are sad little straggles. All the more reason to condition them, help a straggle out. If you are single and concerned about the market forecast on pubic hair, here’s some reading to make an informed decision.

If you are in a long-term relationship, never mind, you already have blissfully long pubes. Hardly anybody keeps up yard work in an LTR. Sex is not always clean, or pretty, and nothing personifies that fact better than pubic hair. 

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